Author Archives: thesmallc

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About thesmallc

I'm Rebeca. I was diagnosed with breast cancer at the age of 32. But there's more to my story: I am an animal lover. I love to cook. I have a wonderful fiancé who doesn't mind walking my rocky path with me. We currently live in New York. ---------------------------------------- “Those who have a 'why' to live, can bear with almost any 'how'.” ― Viktor E. Frankl

I don’t want to sound like a weirdo, but…

Posted on May 15, 2016 by thesmallc

A few months before finding my lump, I didn’t feel like myself. I sensed something was wrong but couldn’t figure it out. It’s not like I felt sick or anything. I didn’t experience any symptoms of any kind. Plus my … Continue reading →

Posted in Awareness | 25 Comments

One year older, and I want a reset

Posted on April 22, 2016 by thesmallc

I turn one year older today, April 22, and I’m wishing I could go back to the year where I left off —before I was diagnosed. I want to reset time to when I was 32, and try to live … Continue reading →

Posted in Coping after cancer, Reflections | Tagged | 24 Comments

This is not the drug I take

Posted on April 7, 2016 by thesmallc

I’m on my way home and I decide to stop at the pharmacy to pick up my Tamoxifen refill. The pharmacist confirms my name and hands me the bag containing the medication. I look inside, as I always do, to … Continue reading →

Posted in Awareness, c World, Tamoxifen | 24 Comments

My chemical romance

Posted on April 1, 2016 by thesmallc

Today is April 1st. And it was on an April 1st that I swallowed my own words. I once knew a lot less about cancer and its treatment options. I’d often said “I would never get chemo if I get cancer. … Continue reading →

Posted in c World, Chemo | 21 Comments

What’s a waste?

Posted on March 26, 2016 by thesmallc

We’ve all heard these statements in some shape or form. “You’re in your 30’s (or 40’s) and have no children? You’re wasting your time.” “You still believe he/she will change? You’re wasting your time.” “You’re still talking about cancer even … Continue reading →

Posted in Coping after cancer, Reflections, Self Awareness | Tagged | 24 Comments

Walking away from ‘emotional cancers’

Posted on March 13, 2016 by thesmallc

It’s not really possible to simply walk away from cancer. At least, I don’t find it possible. But I’m wondering — is it possible to just walk away from other toxic parts of life? I’ve realized that I need to … Continue reading →

Posted in Coping after cancer, Reflections, Support | Tagged , | 21 Comments

A lesson from an elevator

Posted on February 26, 2016 by thesmallc

Lately I’ve been anxious about aches and pains. Always worried about a reoccurrence, even after the tests and MRIs come back looking fine. Although I know we are all going to go one way or another, I am not one … Continue reading →

Posted in Awareness, Coping after cancer, Reflections | Tagged , | 17 Comments

I let her decide

Posted on February 20, 2016 by thesmallc

I’ve been seeing a survivorship therapist at MSKCC for the last couple of months. We mostly talk about my challenges with survivorship — how I’ve been dealing with my caught-between-two-worlds identity crisis, about feeling unsafe, and about grief. But we … Continue reading →

Posted in Coping after cancer, Reflections, Self Awareness | Tagged | 18 Comments